Dear user,

As we all know you're dumb and you can not learn to use a package
manager ever. To ease your pain we've decided not to inflict you the
so-called "dependency hell" and provide you an autonomous application.
Just click on its auto-update menu and it will download everything you
need, we swear it.

Of course when you've done you'll just have to do a cpan refresh, tell
xemacs to auto-update itself, your movie player to download new codecs,
mozilla to download a langage pack and a few themes and by the way did
you know about this wonderful openoffice macro that will help you update
your spellchecker ?

To help you keep up with updates we've thoughtfully provided a "time to
update" popup that will remind you every few weeks you need to keep up
with us. To avoid any misunderstanding we designed it to be completely
different from the swarm of update popups you deal with every day.

Since another application might update some libraries we depend on at
an inconvenient time, we've provided you with a private copy of all the
dependencies we need. You can be sure no one will mess with their
configuration files or change their format, since we also use a private
copy of these files. God forbid it was trampled on by one of those nasty
control panel thingies ! The system has no business telling us what
fonts to use.

We swear we'll keep up with security fixes for all this peripheral
uninteresting stuff, at least as long as it doesn't interfere with our
application wellbeing but you won't mind because we know best and you
trust us. To avoid migration breakage we even use different
configuration files for each version. You just have to re-enter the few
scores of options our app use and you're done ! No risk of automated
conversion mess-up whatsoever ! The app will even refuse to start till
you've filled the four screens of configuration to prevent mess-ups !

You might need to get yourself a new disk of pay for a broadband link,
but that's truly trivial and you should thank us to help you keep with
your times. We're pleased to inform you we're working on a bootable
standalone CD that will drop you in your preferred application without
having to worry about the system altogether. For the time being we've
implemented a 100% user-side install so you won't have to worry about
nasty unix permissions. Just click the setup icon and the whole app will
install itself in Wonderful Technologies\Wonderful Technologies
Application Plus Professional\6.6 SR6\ in your workspace. And it only
takes 300 Mb per user!

We stay committed to provide products that work now no matter what
happened before they arrive,

P.S.

Regarding you question on why you can't print from Wonderful
Technologies Application Plus Professional we're sorry to inform you
update of the print library is not scheduled before the release of
Wonderful Technologies Application Plus Professional Entreprise 7 first
quarter of next year. That it works with the rest of the system is
purely a fluke of your imagination and due to you system provider
bundling an unstable untested printing backend too early. You're better
of with the Obsolete Corp backend we provide now - it has been tested a
full two days with my nephew's inkjet printer. Hopefully our app-on-cd
system will take care of those regrettable incidents soon. In the
meanwhile we advise you to buy an Expensive Systems LaserColourWriter
9000000000000 which are known to work with Wonderful Technologies
Application Plus Professional (at least for the american models). They
even come bundled with vouchers for other Wonderful Technologies great
products !

P.P.S.

If you can't afford an Expensive Systems LaserColourWriter 9000000000000
my nephew just wrote me we wants to sell its inkjet printer. JUST CALL !

¶ 3:02 PM